Work what out? It's already done. I told you: what I agreed to and what the rest of you want are no longer the same, and there can be no turning back. The others were uninterested in compromise - only in convincing me. When I am not convinced, Claude chastises me as though I'm some recalcitrant child.
[A bit of impatience, annoyance, has crept into his tone by now. He doesn't see why Grant continues to harp on this when there's no longer anything to be done.]
[Grant's brow creases, because this... still doesn't seem right. He thinks back over the conversation, where things went wrong-- there's definitely a hole in there, but...]
[What compromise is there to be had? The others want to share what the five of them had with more people. Claude says Felix is only thinking about his own feelings and Sylvain's, and he doesn't see how he's supposed to have any idea what anyone else will feel, but - well, Dorothea used to say he was 'unsociable.' Maybe she was right, after all.]
Ssshhit-- okay, that's it then, isn't it? [He starts tapping his fingers against the side of his cup, fidgeting the way he does when his thoughts really start moving.] It's not that Claude wouldn't accept a compromise - I mean, negotiating is all about compromise, and he knows how to do that. It might be that he didn't think you considered it an option, but because he didn't want to produce more friction by prodding at it, just reassuring you where he thought the problem lay seemed like the more straightforward solution. So we never actually tried to find a compromise based on the actual issue.
[Felix blinks, watching Grant spin up like a record player, just like he did back at that other tea party they had with Dimitri. Felix follows the conclusion, more or less, he thinks, but...]
I... [Grant's finger-tapping stops, and he rubs, kind of self-consciously, at the back of his neck.] ...I can't be sure, right off the bat. But I can talk to Dimitri and Claude about it - and you don't have to be there for it. Especially not if I can get a better handle on your point of view.
I know the disconnect between your expectations and ours going into this is a part of it, but I'd like to ask if you're aware of any more to it than that, just so I've got the most solid idea I can - for example, if there are any particular negative consequences of this change that you're anticipating.
[It's a kneejerk reaction, but he stands by it. Sure, the idea of a feelings conversation that he doesn't need to be there for sounds appealing, but the implication that he can't speak for himself or that Grant is stepping in to defend him rankles.
He's quiet for a moment as he thinks about the answer to Grant's question.]
Tell me, Grant. Are you completely unbothered by the fact that Dimitri devotes exactly as much time and effort and emotion to us as he does to someone he's decided to try out a relationship with, on the off chance that it might become something more?
Alright. I'm just trying to figure out how to make this work.
[He can't claim to love that particular reaction, when he was just trying to figure out how to work around Felix's distaste for these talks... but at least, at this point, it doesn't have him immediately shrinking away. He just... gives his response and moves on.]
...I don't know. I guess I'm personally inclined to think of it as... different kinds of time and effort? But, put that way, I can see where you'd be put off.
[Felix--well, ten minutes ago he would have said he didn't understand why Grant was doing all this, going out of his way to ask these questions and figure out how to solve something Felix didn't even assume could or should be solved. He supposes now he does understand, but that doesn't make it any easier to accept feeling like they all think he's incapable of handling his own relationships or feelings. As much as he dislikes feeling like the odd one out all the time, it was easier when they simply left him to deal with his own irrational, selfish emotions by himself, like he always has. If he couldn't or didn't want to love or give or feel the way they can, the way they wanted him to, he could at least keep his whining about it to himself.]
And even if that wasn't insulting, practically speaking, there is no way for him to do it without sacrificing time he would have spent with us. Experiences he would have had with us, he will now have with five other people, or...whatever.
[Listen, he can't be expected to keep track of how many people Dimitri's in love with on any given day.]
It's a declaration of intent, Grant, even if he doesn't see it that way. An intent to take something important that we created for ourselves and...and spread it around to other people who weren't there. Sometimes it seems like he'd do it for anyone who expressed any interest at all, simply because they did, out of some...some altruistic desire not to disappoint them. And I never agreed to share it with anyone else. But when he, or Claude, asks if I mind them doing it, they want and expect me to say no, so what's the point of asking?
[It's a lot of words for Felix all at once, but Grant has managed to push past his reluctance to where his frustrations and feelings live, and now they're spilling out.]
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[A bit of impatience, annoyance, has crept into his tone by now. He doesn't see why Grant continues to harp on this when there's no longer anything to be done.]
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...Did any of us suggest compromise?
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[What compromise is there to be had? The others want to share what the five of them had with more people. Claude says Felix is only thinking about his own feelings and Sylvain's, and he doesn't see how he's supposed to have any idea what anyone else will feel, but - well, Dorothea used to say he was 'unsociable.' Maybe she was right, after all.]
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Like what?
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I know the disconnect between your expectations and ours going into this is a part of it, but I'd like to ask if you're aware of any more to it than that, just so I've got the most solid idea I can - for example, if there are any particular negative consequences of this change that you're anticipating.
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[It's a kneejerk reaction, but he stands by it. Sure, the idea of a feelings conversation that he doesn't need to be there for sounds appealing, but the implication that he can't speak for himself or that Grant is stepping in to defend him rankles.
He's quiet for a moment as he thinks about the answer to Grant's question.]
Tell me, Grant. Are you completely unbothered by the fact that Dimitri devotes exactly as much time and effort and emotion to us as he does to someone he's decided to try out a relationship with, on the off chance that it might become something more?
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[He can't claim to love that particular reaction, when he was just trying to figure out how to work around Felix's distaste for these talks... but at least, at this point, it doesn't have him immediately shrinking away. He just... gives his response and moves on.]
...I don't know. I guess I'm personally inclined to think of it as... different kinds of time and effort? But, put that way, I can see where you'd be put off.
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And even if that wasn't insulting, practically speaking, there is no way for him to do it without sacrificing time he would have spent with us. Experiences he would have had with us, he will now have with five other people, or...whatever.
[Listen, he can't be expected to keep track of how many people Dimitri's in love with on any given day.]
It's a declaration of intent, Grant, even if he doesn't see it that way. An intent to take something important that we created for ourselves and...and spread it around to other people who weren't there. Sometimes it seems like he'd do it for anyone who expressed any interest at all, simply because they did, out of some...some altruistic desire not to disappoint them. And I never agreed to share it with anyone else. But when he, or Claude, asks if I mind them doing it, they want and expect me to say no, so what's the point of asking?
[It's a lot of words for Felix all at once, but Grant has managed to push past his reluctance to where his frustrations and feelings live, and now they're spilling out.]