[Chip really looks up to you. Felicity said the same thing, and Felix isn't sure how to feel about it. He doesn't want to be some...role model, some aspirational figure. And maybe that's not even what they mean by it, but still, the thought feels strange.
Those blasted Indeedee...why couldn't they keep their stupid intrusive psychic powers to themselves? How is he supposed to explain to Grant the complicated mess that is his feelings about Dimitri when he doesn't fully understand it himself? Not to mention that he doesn't want to talk about it.
Five years ago, maybe even six months ago, he would simply have told Grant to mind his own business and walked away. But here, he's made himself vulnerable, and conversations like this--and giving a shit about how they go--is a consequence of that. Just like Seteth, Grant's gone to all this trouble to connect with him, so...maybe he should make an effort, too.]
...look. My history with Dimitri is...complicated. I don't know what he's told you, and I don't really care. The point is, you're the kind of person Dimitri should have had by his side a long time ago, but didn't. And when you first...expressed interest in him, and I saw how much better he was after spending all that time with you, I couldn't believe some stranger did what none of us ever could.
[He pauses, not particularly wanting to get into the rest, but having trouble figuring out how to fully explain without it.]
During the war, nothing we did worked to pull him out of that madness. It was my father's death that first woke him up. Seeing that all it took for you was a few months of wandering around...I was furious. Maybe I did want to hate you then, but I couldn't, because you were so good to Dimitri. Good for him.
Obviously, you're not a stranger anymore, and now I understand you and this place better, and I know the two situations aren't comparable at all. That understanding doesn't just erase my emotions, though. And I despise wrestling with them.
So yes, it would be easier for me if I could hate you, but I can't and I don't.
[Hearing Felix explain doesn't make Grant any less tense, at least not right away. He can't say for sure, as is often the case with this kind of thing, whether he'll be able to relax in a few minutes, or if it'll take longer, maybe even an hour or more after they part ways.
But... even if it doesn't do much for his physical state, listening and thinking over what Felix says does help, from a logical perspective. There's still that nagging uncertainty, the sense that things could change at any time, but-- well, if it comes down to Dimitri... Grant certainly can't see himself changing the way he interacts with him. So, unless they go off the rails some other way, it'll... probably be alright.
Grant nods slowly.] I... think I get that. Uh... thank you. For explaining.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Those blasted Indeedee...why couldn't they keep their stupid intrusive psychic powers to themselves? How is he supposed to explain to Grant the complicated mess that is his feelings about Dimitri when he doesn't fully understand it himself? Not to mention that he doesn't want to talk about it.
Five years ago, maybe even six months ago, he would simply have told Grant to mind his own business and walked away. But here, he's made himself vulnerable, and conversations like this--and giving a shit about how they go--is a consequence of that. Just like Seteth, Grant's gone to all this trouble to connect with him, so...maybe he should make an effort, too.]
...look. My history with Dimitri is...complicated. I don't know what he's told you, and I don't really care. The point is, you're the kind of person Dimitri should have had by his side a long time ago, but didn't. And when you first...expressed interest in him, and I saw how much better he was after spending all that time with you, I couldn't believe some stranger did what none of us ever could.
[He pauses, not particularly wanting to get into the rest, but having trouble figuring out how to fully explain without it.]
During the war, nothing we did worked to pull him out of that madness. It was my father's death that first woke him up. Seeing that all it took for you was a few months of wandering around...I was furious. Maybe I did want to hate you then, but I couldn't, because you were so good to Dimitri. Good for him.
Obviously, you're not a stranger anymore, and now I understand you and this place better, and I know the two situations aren't comparable at all. That understanding doesn't just erase my emotions, though. And I despise wrestling with them.
So yes, it would be easier for me if I could hate you, but I can't and I don't.
no subject
But... even if it doesn't do much for his physical state, listening and thinking over what Felix says does help, from a logical perspective. There's still that nagging uncertainty, the sense that things could change at any time, but-- well, if it comes down to Dimitri... Grant certainly can't see himself changing the way he interacts with him. So, unless they go off the rails some other way, it'll... probably be alright.
Grant nods slowly.] I... think I get that. Uh... thank you. For explaining.
no subject
If you still have questions, ask them. I...Talking about this sort of thing doesn't come naturally to me.