Oh, hey! No, it's not awkward - though, it was that obvious, huh?
...Of course, I say that, but now I'm following it with: Yeah, it seemed like you and Thace weren't big fans either. Which was kind of validating, actually. I wasn't sure at first how much of my reaction was just personal baggage on my end.
Oh, some of it's my own personal baggage too. I mean, it also hit at various Changeling issues for me. (Or Galra issues for Thace, the Galra being his species.) But even if it hadn't, it was goddamn offensive.
I mean, *you* know the whole tired cliche that all queer men are sexual predators. Or, well, I assume something like that exists in your world. Maybe it's a nicer world in terms of how it sees sexuality, like this one. I don't know.
Oh, that cliche is definitely out there where I'm from, too. And there's stuff to compound it for me, as well as you guys - sorry to hear it was layered like that for you, too, by the way. Or, you know, get confirmation that it was.
[...Has he told Steven about his condition yet? He doesn't think he has, thinking back on it.
Oh, I was wondering if it was something like that--well, that you were some sort of supernatural, anyway. I mean, I wasn't going to bring it up if you weren't comfortable--and there was always a chance you were just a bear with pronounced canines--but you *do* have those lovely teeth, after all. So if you're a werewolf, that does make sense.
(Ah, not that I expect it's quite the same from world to world, but even so.)
But yeah. Back home there's kind of this... whole justified fear of becoming like the people who took us, so Lance's bullshit kind of hit right there, because even though I wasn't taken for those kinds of purposes, I've known people who had been. And with Thace, well, what Lance said probably reminded him of what he calls the 'cultural corruption' of his people. (There was a very nasty, very long-lived emperor who put some awful practices into place, from what I understand.)
Ha. Yeah, it is usually the teeth that tip people off.
[Which he can't say is a pattern he's fond of, but it's good to hear that it doesn't sound like Steven had been making any guesses before now besides suspecting something was up. Makes sense, given Steven's own position.]
Oh god, for sure... I've already put way too much time and effort into keeping from doing or saying anything that could possibly read as "predatory", and every time someone says some crap like that anyway it just feels I dunno. Inescapable.
And that's without the added layers of history, like you and Thace seem to have there... I mean, it goes without saying that being taken like that, for any purpose, and what was done to Thace's people, were awful. I'm really sorry to hear that.
Oh *Grant*. I'm so sorry. I don't know if you'll believe me, but I *do* understand. For the first forty years of my life, *I* spent a lot of time trying to come off as non-threatening. Well, I'm a gay man of color with a non-typical psychology and no particular desire to draw the ire of racists and homophobes. Keeping my head down always seemed like it was the better part of valor.
You never met me before I went home for six years, but I even held myself differently when I was younger, like I was *trying* to minimize how much space I took up. Because I was. I'm not a big as you, but I'm *not* a small man either. And people can find that intimidating.
Well. I won't really go into what changed there. But I *do* get it.
And I know Thace would too. He's very conscious of not coming off as the big scary alien invader with people, especially ones like Shiro who've encountered Galra before.
[He hesitates for a moment before adding,]
(Regarding Thace's people... the kinds of things he's told me happened were done *to* the Galra and *by* the Galra, to each other as 'disciplinary measures' and to the people they conquered. The Galra as a whole are far from guiltless... but they weren't *always* like that and their nigh-immortal emperor did a *lot* to twist them.)
Oooh, god, yeah. Just ends up feeling like a matter of safety - sometimes even in a place like this where it doesn't seem, objectively, like it's quite so necessary. I absolutely believe that you guys get it, yeah.
Shit, that sounds awful... no wonder Thace wants to move away from that image of his people.
From what I can tell, things got better at some point after Thace's death back home, due in no small part to Shiro and his friends, but yeah. The Galra were pretty screwed up by their emperor's policies and the people they conquered suffered worse. Thace ended up joining a revolutionary group that wanted to restore the old ways before the corruption.
So Thace is always very conscious of how he can't really show too much negative emotion lest people find it threatening. It comes from a place of power over other people rather than weakness, but it was one of the things I was grateful to see that he understood.
(And while I hate that you've had enough experience to understand, I'm also slightly grateful that we aren't alone in that here, that there's other people outside us that understand.)
Well, that's something he's gonna have to process, because it feels... somehow inappropriate, weirdly, to draw attention to it?
God, he hopes Dimitri doesn't find out about that.]
Yeah, absolutely - that's always an odd experience. Being bothered by knowing someone else has suffered, but appreciating that you have experiences in common. While it'd obviously be best if neither of you had been put through the experiences that left you with those feelings at all, it does sound to be good for you both to have each other's understanding and support on that.
[There's a long pause where Steven's typing out another reply, deleting it, and typing it out again, before he finally sends,] And it helps, I think, that we both believe in each other when we can't believe in ourselves.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Text, a day or two after the auction
(I mean, I wasn't happy either. I know he's a stupid kid, but not everything revolves around sex.)
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...Of course, I say that, but now I'm following it with: Yeah, it seemed like you and Thace weren't big fans either. Which was kind of validating, actually. I wasn't sure at first how much of my reaction was just personal baggage on my end.
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I mean, *you* know the whole tired cliche that all queer men are sexual predators. Or, well, I assume something like that exists in your world. Maybe it's a nicer world in terms of how it sees sexuality, like this one. I don't know.
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[...Has he told Steven about his condition yet? He doesn't think he has, thinking back on it.
As good a time as any.]
Werewolf issues, in my case.
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Oh, I was wondering if it was something like that--well, that you were some sort of supernatural, anyway. I mean, I wasn't going to bring it up if you weren't comfortable--and there was always a chance you were just a bear with pronounced canines--but you *do* have those lovely teeth, after all. So if you're a werewolf, that does make sense.
(Ah, not that I expect it's quite the same from world to world, but even so.)
But yeah. Back home there's kind of this... whole justified fear of becoming like the people who took us, so Lance's bullshit kind of hit right there, because even though I wasn't taken for those kinds of purposes, I've known people who had been. And with Thace, well, what Lance said probably reminded him of what he calls the 'cultural corruption' of his people. (There was a very nasty, very long-lived emperor who put some awful practices into place, from what I understand.)
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[Which he can't say is a pattern he's fond of, but it's good to hear that it doesn't sound like Steven had been making any guesses before now besides suspecting something was up. Makes sense, given Steven's own position.]
Oh god, for sure... I've already put way too much time and effort into keeping from doing or saying anything that could possibly read as "predatory", and every time someone says some crap like that anyway it just feels
I dunno. Inescapable.
And that's without the added layers of history, like you and Thace seem to have there... I mean, it goes without saying that being taken like that, for any purpose, and what was done to Thace's people, were awful. I'm really sorry to hear that.
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You never met me before I went home for six years, but I even held myself differently when I was younger, like I was *trying* to minimize how much space I took up. Because I was. I'm not a big as you, but I'm *not* a small man either. And people can find that intimidating.
Well. I won't really go into what changed there. But I *do* get it.
And I know Thace would too. He's very conscious of not coming off as the big scary alien invader with people, especially ones like Shiro who've encountered Galra before.
[He hesitates for a moment before adding,]
(Regarding Thace's people... the kinds of things he's told me happened were done *to* the Galra and *by* the Galra, to each other as 'disciplinary measures' and to the people they conquered. The Galra as a whole are far from guiltless... but they weren't *always* like that and their nigh-immortal emperor did a *lot* to twist them.)
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Shit, that sounds awful... no wonder Thace wants to move away from that image of his people.
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So Thace is always very conscious of how he can't really show too much negative emotion lest people find it threatening. It comes from a place of power over other people rather than weakness, but it was one of the things I was grateful to see that he understood.
(And while I hate that you've had enough experience to understand, I'm also slightly grateful that we aren't alone in that here, that there's other people outside us that understand.)
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Shit.
Well, that's something he's gonna have to process, because it feels... somehow inappropriate, weirdly, to draw attention to it?
God, he hopes Dimitri doesn't find out about that.]
Yeah, absolutely - that's always an odd experience. Being bothered by knowing someone else has suffered, but appreciating that you have experiences in common. While it'd obviously be best if neither of you had been put through the experiences that left you with those feelings at all, it does sound to be good for you both to have each other's understanding and support on that.
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[There's a long pause where Steven's typing out another reply, deleting it, and typing it out again, before he finally sends,] And it helps, I think, that we both believe in each other when we can't believe in ourselves.