[Because, let's face it, he probably has. Why bother, when you know it won't work out? When you know it's not going to happen. When the last time you tried, when you put whole heart into trying again, and it just... failed. How is he not supposed to see that as his fault? How is he supposed to want to do anything but avoid it altogether?]
I did keep trying more than a year ago I I even married the guy
wasn't even a month before he just wasnt there
[Please excuse the way his text falters. It's been a while since he tried to talk about this. And longer still since the words actually came out.]
so why shouldnt I just stop?
[Clearly, he doesn't think Grant is overstepping here. If he's going so far as to actually say it. In a manner of speaking.]
[Man. Even if he hasn't overstepped, put Shiro off... Grant's got to wonder if he's put himself in over his head here, anyway. What can he possibly do about this?
Besides, he guesses, trying to start gently persuading Shiro to get a therapist.]
I can't give a definitive answer to that. I wish I could.
I do understand, given all that, why you would be inclined to stop. I can't blame you at all, that's an awful thing to go through.
But I don't think it's anything about you that caused this. And more than anything, I'm worried that you seem to think it was.
You don't have to apologize. And you couldn't have known. It's not like you could see a timer running.
Platitudes about taking your shot are one thing, and it can be easy to fall into believing them when you're stuck looking back. Thinking what you could have or should have done when it's already past, just like how someone looking in from the outside might question your hesitation.
But it's different in the moment, from one second to another. And it's not reasonable to blame yourself in retrospect for not preparing for something you couldn't possibly have known about.
[That little cursor flashes for a long... long time. Part of him, irrationally, wants to hang up. Just walk away. He doesn't want to say Grant's right. Because then everyone else would be right. Everyone else who said to move on, to get back out there, would be right.]
[That he'd have to move forward.]
you sound almost like you're speaking from experience
[Grant worries, for a little bit, that he really did go too far. He doesn't even think Shiro should necessarily be expected to move on right away - in fact, he suspects that feeling like he has to be over it may be part of what left Shiro in this state to begin with.
But that text finally comes up, and Grant lets out a breath of relief before... thinking carefully about how to respond.]
Not with this specifically but I've definitely made a fair few decisions i really regretted in retrospect, especially where relationships are concerned. Honestly, more often, my mistake was jumping into things where I SHOULD have hesitated - but I think that just goes to show that the reality of this stuff is way more complicated than it might feel when you're looking back, with information and perspective that you didn't have before.
I mean, on one hand? My immediate answer is that if it works out, it could be very worth it. Which I realize is a pretty weak argument, since the only example I've got is my own situation, which wasn't really comparable to yours to begin with.
[Grant doesn't have a missing husband, after all, just... a string of shitty boyfriends that messed up his expectations.]
So my honest advice here, is that I think you should seek out some kind of professional counseling. If you talk to someone who's actually trained to handle
[He almost types "that kind of trauma", because that is... clearly what it is, but. This is Shiro. That would just turn into a conversation on whether he's traumatized, and Grant doubts it would get them anywhere.]
difficulties like you're having, you may end up concluding that you want to date again, or confirming that it's best you don't. But either way, it could be an opportunity to be more secure in whatever decision you make, and hopefully to lift some of that emotional weight.
[This time, the pause is... a bit incredulous. Which isn't Grant's fault. It just seems so absurd a notion. Such a bizarre thing to suggest.]
[Who would have thought the first time Shiro ever heard the suggestion of therapy, it was in relation to his romantic issues and not the literal steamer trunk of emotional and mental baggage from everything else.]
Grant I
I think you you need to be a couple for couples' therapy doesn't really work when they aren't
It seems to be. I've been looking up therapists local to Olivine already and there are a few options there, so I assume there must be some out at Sevii too.
[Shiro don't think he doesn't see what you're doing there!! But he can't exactly... not answer that, so.]
Kinda depends on how you define that, honestly? It's mostly an issue of long-term baggage more than anything immediate. Though, I'll admit, that whole mess just now sure did remind me why I should go back (but to be clear, a lot of people can benefit from therapy, whether they're currently struggling or not).
[He winces a bit. "That whole mess" is right. He feels like he should apologize again for the whole thing. Even though he knows what the response is going to be.]
Anyone ever tell you you're a good man?
[Maybe a bit off-topic, but. It's clear from this entire line of conversation, to him, anyway. Grant is just a good man. A kind, concerned person who really seems like he has things figured out.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Because, let's face it, he probably has. Why bother, when you know it won't work out? When you know it's not going to happen. When the last time you tried, when you put whole heart into trying again, and it just... failed. How is he not supposed to see that as his fault? How is he supposed to want to do anything but avoid it altogether?]
I did keep trying
more than a year ago I
I even married the guy
wasn't even a month before he
just wasnt there
[Please excuse the way his text falters. It's been a while since he tried to talk about this. And longer still since the words actually came out.]
so why shouldnt I just
stop?
[Clearly, he doesn't think Grant is overstepping here. If he's going so far as to actually say it. In a manner of speaking.]
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Besides, he guesses, trying to start gently persuading Shiro to get a therapist.]
I can't give a definitive answer to that. I wish I could.
I do understand, given all that, why you would be inclined to stop. I can't blame you at all, that's an awful thing to go through.
But I don't think it's anything about you that caused this. And more than anything, I'm worried that you seem to think it was.
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Sorry I
I don't expect an answer. I don't
think there is one
[Except to "get over it" - what everyone seemed to be expecting him to do. What he just couldn't do.]
It [Why wouldn't it be partially his fault?] It is
a bit
If I had better timing maybe
or got my act together earlier
we'd have had more time
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Platitudes about taking your shot are one thing, and it can be easy to fall into believing them when you're stuck looking back. Thinking what you could have or should have done when it's already past, just like how someone looking in from the outside might question your hesitation.
But it's different in the moment, from one second to another. And it's not reasonable to blame yourself in retrospect for not preparing for something you couldn't possibly have known about.
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[That little cursor flashes for a long... long time. Part of him, irrationally, wants to hang up. Just walk away. He doesn't want to say Grant's right. Because then everyone else would be right. Everyone else who said to move on, to get back out there, would be right.]
[That he'd have to move forward.]
you
sound almost like you're speaking from experience
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But that text finally comes up, and Grant lets out a breath of relief before... thinking carefully about how to respond.]
Not with this specifically but
I've definitely made a fair few decisions i really regretted in retrospect, especially where relationships are concerned. Honestly, more often, my mistake was jumping into things where I SHOULD have hesitated - but I think that just goes to show that the reality of this stuff is way more complicated than it might feel when you're looking back, with information and perspective that you didn't have before.
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Look at us
opposites kind of
[It's not a bad thing. It'd be easier to get that across if he weren't hiding behind text, though.]
But I
I guess I'm not seeing a reason to keep trying. If jumping in doesn't work, if waiting doesn't work
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I mean, on one hand? My immediate answer is that if it works out, it could be very worth it. Which I realize is a pretty weak argument, since the only example I've got is my own situation, which wasn't really comparable to yours to begin with.
[Grant doesn't have a missing husband, after all, just... a string of shitty boyfriends that messed up his expectations.]
So my honest advice here, is that I think you should seek out some kind of professional counseling. If you talk to someone who's actually trained to handle
[He almost types "that kind of trauma", because that is... clearly what it is, but. This is Shiro. That would just turn into a conversation on whether he's traumatized, and Grant doubts it would get them anywhere.]
difficulties like you're having, you may end up concluding that you want to date again, or confirming that it's best you don't. But either way, it could be an opportunity to be more secure in whatever decision you make, and hopefully to lift some of that emotional weight.
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[Who would have thought the first time Shiro ever heard the suggestion of therapy, it was in relation to his romantic issues and not the literal steamer trunk of emotional and mental baggage from everything else.]
Grant I
I think you
you need to be a couple for couples' therapy
doesn't really work when they aren't
here
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[Sorry give him a moment to just
Take that in]
Okay I'm sorry for the confusion but
I'm not suggesting couples therapy
Just regular one-person therapy
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uh
[... oops.]
I uh
does that even
is that a thing here
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It seems to be. I've been looking up therapists local to Olivine already and there are a few options there, so I assume there must be some out at Sevii too.
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Is
Everything okay?
[What a perfect segue to get away from talking about his own problems! Talk about someone else!]
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Kinda depends on how you define that, honestly? It's mostly an issue of long-term baggage more than anything immediate. Though, I'll admit, that whole mess just now sure did remind me why I should go back (but to be clear, a lot of people can benefit from therapy, whether they're currently struggling or not).
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Anyone ever tell you you're a good man?
[Maybe a bit off-topic, but. It's clear from this entire line of conversation, to him, anyway. Grant is just a good man. A kind, concerned person who really seems like he has things figured out.]
[It's impressive, really.]
Sorry, I
It just kind of hit me there.
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Stupid. He's literally talking to Shiro right now about how he should seek therapy to help him cope with the disappearance of his husband. Stupid.]
Ha
Now and then
Thank you though. You too
[Stupid]
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Now and then
[Fingerguns!!]
I
appreciate it though. I really do
I'm not great at this - talking about myself but
thanks
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It's no problem - honestly, I'm glad you were willing to try and talk to me about this at all.
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oh
Thank you
I guess I'm repeating myself but-- you are too
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And I'll talk to Lance. You've got my word on that. I'm sorry, again, that he pulled that stunt.
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Thank you. I hope you can get through to him.
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If there's anything else you ever need, I'm game.
[Least he can do for Grant attempting to help him with problems Shiro's not sure he even wants to be helped.]