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[victory road] IC CONTACT
[For private communication, Pokegear or otherwise!]
[Grant hates to put the stress of thinking about the risk of rejection on Zuke like this, but it doesn't feel like it would be any more fair to ignore the possibility - not when Grant, himself, doesn't even know his own answer to Zuke's feelings yet.
But what he does know is that he doesn't want to end up on bad or awkward terms over this, if there's any way to avoid that.]
Same here. I'm really glad to have the opportunity to know you.
But what he does know is that he doesn't want to end up on bad or awkward terms over this, if there's any way to avoid that.]
Same here. I'm really glad to have the opportunity to know you.
[You shouldn't hold it against yourself]
[Why not.]
[Why not hold himself accountable for his own mistakes?]
i do
can't change that
i'm sorry
[Why not.]
[Why not hold himself accountable for his own mistakes?]
i do
can't change that
i'm sorry
[Were Grant privy to certain thoughts, there, he might have some things to say about the difference between holding oneself accountable and beating oneself up over a mistake that had already been addressed and remedied to the greatest feasible extent.
Even so, there's still plenty to unpack here.]
I know it can be difficult, sometimes impossible, to change how you think about something. About yourself.
But, if it's at all possible - do you think you'd be able to *try* to tell yourself something else? That you repaired your mistake as best you could, and are now better equipped to avoid similar ones? Because that's the truth, and however much it may feel like the original mistake overshadows it, it *was* an honest mistake, and how you handled it is incredibly important. You did the best you could.
Even so, there's still plenty to unpack here.]
I know it can be difficult, sometimes impossible, to change how you think about something. About yourself.
But, if it's at all possible - do you think you'd be able to *try* to tell yourself something else? That you repaired your mistake as best you could, and are now better equipped to avoid similar ones? Because that's the truth, and however much it may feel like the original mistake overshadows it, it *was* an honest mistake, and how you handled it is incredibly important. You did the best you could.
I
Can't answer that without it being something you don't want to hear.
[People want to know their words are helping, don't they? That they're sinking in. They're having an effect. In ways Shiro just can't seem to manage to do. Why can't he do it? His friends, his family, have been trying for years.]
[So what's wrong?]
"best" is never good enoug |
[Stupid traitorous fingers send it before he can delete it.]
Can't answer that without it being something you don't want to hear.
[People want to know their words are helping, don't they? That they're sinking in. They're having an effect. In ways Shiro just can't seem to manage to do. Why can't he do it? His friends, his family, have been trying for years.]
[So what's wrong?]
"best" is never good enoug |
[Stupid traitorous fingers send it before he can delete it.]
I can see why you'd worry about that. But I would rather hear an uncomfortable reality than be left in the dark about what you're going through.
[Please. Please talk to him. If there's anything at all that he can do, he can't find it if he doesn't know anything.
Did someone else tell you that? That's his first thought, but he's reluctant to pry so directly, when Shiro has so little control of his own answers.]
It was. At least in that instance. How someone handles a mistake can tell you a lot more about them than if they never make that mistake at all, and I knew from that incident that I could trust you.
[He might be getting dangerously close to saying too much himself here, but... there it is.]
[Please. Please talk to him. If there's anything at all that he can do, he can't find it if he doesn't know anything.
Did someone else tell you that? That's his first thought, but he's reluctant to pry so directly, when Shiro has so little control of his own answers.]
It was. At least in that instance. How someone handles a mistake can tell you a lot more about them than if they never make that mistake at all, and I knew from that incident that I could trust you.
[He might be getting dangerously close to saying too much himself here, but... there it is.]
It
It has to pass. It will be fine. Just a ridiculous pokemon curse.
[The uncomfortable reality just puts more weight on other people. It's bad enough he's letting this out at all. These little slips. Grant has enough to deal with, Grant has fielded enough of his nonsense.]
I
I appreciate it.
It still won't happen again. I'm still sorry it happened at all.
It has to pass. It will be fine. Just a ridiculous pokemon curse.
[The uncomfortable reality just puts more weight on other people. It's bad enough he's letting this out at all. These little slips. Grant has enough to deal with, Grant has fielded enough of his nonsense.]
I
I appreciate it.
It still won't happen again. I'm still sorry it happened at all.
Well, to be fair: I don't know if magic is much more useful here than direct combat. [Maybe less so, honestly.] And you've picked up plenty of skills here, like your woodworking - and even if it weren't for all that, you're still absolutely vital to us all, just by being yourself.
Oh, no - if there's more you want to talk about, feel free!
Oh, no - if there's more you want to talk about, feel free!
Shiro... did you see what I said?
If you don't want to tell me, that's fine, and I can respect that; I don't want to push. I mean, especially not in a time like right now, where you're being forced into honesty, but also just... in general.
But I want you to know you *can*, if you ever want to. And if you won't address what I'm telling you, I don't know whether you understand that.
Okay - I believe you, don't worry about that. Thank you.
If you don't want to tell me, that's fine, and I can respect that; I don't want to push. I mean, especially not in a time like right now, where you're being forced into honesty, but also just... in general.
But I want you to know you *can*, if you ever want to. And if you won't address what I'm telling you, I don't know whether you understand that.
Okay - I believe you, don't worry about that. Thank you.
[Why is this so hard. Why can he not just agree to talk to someone? Especially when it's just so plainly offered to him. It's an ear, it's a shoulder, and Grant is offering. Holding it out. Telling him it's all right, that he can bend a little.]
[You can, if you ever want to]
[No he can't. He can't but -]
i cant and i dont know why
[... oh if he ever sees another snorunt again it will be too soon.]
i dont know why i cant im sorry
[You can, if you ever want to]
[No he can't. He can't but -]
i cant and i dont know why
[... oh if he ever sees another snorunt again it will be too soon.]
i dont know why i cant im sorry
Okay.
That's alright, and it's nothing to apologize for, either; understanding your own mental processes, including hesitancies like that, is a learned skill, and it can be really difficult. Being reluctant to seek help when you're not used to it is really common, too.
...I hope none of this is coming off as patronizing. I just want you to know you're not wrong or failing for this.
That's alright, and it's nothing to apologize for, either; understanding your own mental processes, including hesitancies like that, is a learned skill, and it can be really difficult. Being reluctant to seek help when you're not used to it is really common, too.
...I hope none of this is coming off as patronizing. I just want you to know you're not wrong or failing for this.
its not all right
all of you keep saying its not right and what am i
It's not patronizing. I just can't do this.
all of you keep saying its not right and what am i
It's not patronizing. I just can't do this.
[All of you. Grant had hoped he'd gotten his intentions across right, that he was making sense without just pushing Shiro further than he was comfortable with, but--
Well, it makes sense. Who does he think he is, anyway?
He takes a deep breath, tries to will away the knot of guilt twisting up in his chest. Okay. Just explain yourself. Either it works or it doesn't, just... don't bow out right away, that'll only make him feel worse.]
There's a difference between people wanting you to be able to overcome something that's not good for you, and thinking you've done something wrong. I'm not blaming you for what you're struggling with, and, though I can't read anyone else's mind, I would guess the same is true for the others close to you. And that includes your struggling with accepting help. We don't want you blaming yourself for it, either; it's not your fault.
Okay. I'm sorry, anyway, for pushing. I can go if you'd rather.
[If that I can't do this was about the whole conversation that just happened... he figures he'd better.
But he can't go without warning. Again, he suspects Shiro would just beat himself up over that.]
Well, it makes sense. Who does he think he is, anyway?
He takes a deep breath, tries to will away the knot of guilt twisting up in his chest. Okay. Just explain yourself. Either it works or it doesn't, just... don't bow out right away, that'll only make him feel worse.]
There's a difference between people wanting you to be able to overcome something that's not good for you, and thinking you've done something wrong. I'm not blaming you for what you're struggling with, and, though I can't read anyone else's mind, I would guess the same is true for the others close to you. And that includes your struggling with accepting help. We don't want you blaming yourself for it, either; it's not your fault.
Okay. I'm sorry, anyway, for pushing. I can go if you'd rather.
[If that I can't do this was about the whole conversation that just happened... he figures he'd better.
But he can't go without warning. Again, he suspects Shiro would just beat himself up over that.]
[it's not your fault]
[Yes it is - it comes out verbally, with a rush of exhausted breath. Okay. He didn't have to type that. Maybe that's the key here. He just has to let it out, somehow.]
I don't
know what to say
maybe I should go.
[Yes it is - it comes out verbally, with a rush of exhausted breath. Okay. He didn't have to type that. Maybe that's the key here. He just has to let it out, somehow.]
I don't
know what to say
maybe I should go.
[Hearing Grant try to bolster up his worth, his confidence, so determinedly... It makes Dimitri smile, just a little bit. It is good to know that Grant is still as much of a caring man as he ever was.]
Thank you, Grant. I do appreciate it, of course. But all I had to say were... simply bouts of self doubt, and pondering things that do not truly matter anymore.
You must certainly be busy as well, aren't you? i know you have a great deal you need to accomplish, especially with Chip's lessons.
Thank you, Grant. I do appreciate it, of course. But all I had to say were... simply bouts of self doubt, and pondering things that do not truly matter anymore.
You must certainly be busy as well, aren't you? i know you have a great deal you need to accomplish, especially with Chip's lessons.
[God he wants to run so badly. Disappear onto the boat from Armin and not talk to anyone until he can get this sorted out. But - ]
How is Chip?
[That's safe. And that's something he genuinely wonders about.]
How is Chip?
[That's safe. And that's something he genuinely wonders about.]
[It's absolutely something.]
What kind of pokemon?
What kind of pokemon?
Ah
Yeah
Yeah, I get that. At least, hopefully, this snorunt nonsense is temporary?
Yeah
Yeah, I get that. At least, hopefully, this snorunt nonsense is temporary?
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