woofdad | [victory road] IC CONTACT

I can see why you'd worry about that. But I would rather hear an uncomfortable reality than be left in the dark about what you're going through.

[Please. Please talk to him. If there's anything at all that he can do, he can't find it if he doesn't know anything.

Did someone else tell you that? That's his first thought, but he's reluctant to pry so directly, when Shiro has so little control of his own answers.]

It was. At least in that instance. How someone handles a mistake can tell you a lot more about them than if they never make that mistake at all, and I knew from that incident that I could trust you.

[He might be getting dangerously close to saying too much himself here, but... there it is.]

It It has to pass. It will be fine. Just a ridiculous pokemon curse.

[The uncomfortable reality just puts more weight on other people. It's bad enough he's letting this out at all. These little slips. Grant has enough to deal with, Grant has fielded enough of his nonsense.]

I I appreciate it. It still won't happen again. I'm still sorry it happened at all.

Shiro... did you see what I said?

If you don't want to tell me, that's fine, and I can respect that; I don't want to push. I mean, especially not in a time like right now, where you're being forced into honesty, but also just... in general.

But I want you to know you *can*, if you ever want to. And if you won't address what I'm telling you, I don't know whether you understand that.

Okay - I believe you, don't worry about that. Thank you.

[Why is this so hard. Why can he not just agree to talk to someone? Especially when it's just so plainly offered to him. It's an ear, it's a shoulder, and Grant is offering. Holding it out. Telling him it's all right, that he can bend a little.]

[You can, if you ever want to]

[No he can't. He can't but -]

i cant and i dont know why

[... oh if he ever sees another snorunt again it will be too soon.]

i dont know why i cant im sorry

Okay.

That's alright, and it's nothing to apologize for, either; understanding your own mental processes, including hesitancies like that, is a learned skill, and it can be really difficult. Being reluctant to seek help when you're not used to it is really common, too.

...I hope none of this is coming off as patronizing. I just want you to know you're not wrong or failing for this.

its not all right all of you keep saying its not right and what am i It's not patronizing. I just can't do this.

[All of you. Grant had hoped he'd gotten his intentions across right, that he was making sense without just pushing Shiro further than he was comfortable with, but--

Well, it makes sense. Who does he think he is, anyway?

He takes a deep breath, tries to will away the knot of guilt twisting up in his chest. Okay. Just explain yourself. Either it works or it doesn't, just... don't bow out right away, that'll only make him feel worse.]

There's a difference between people wanting you to be able to overcome something that's not good for you, and thinking you've done something wrong. I'm not blaming you for what you're struggling with, and, though I can't read anyone else's mind, I would guess the same is true for the others close to you. And that includes your struggling with accepting help. We don't want you blaming yourself for it, either; it's not your fault.

Okay. I'm sorry, anyway, for pushing. I can go if you'd rather.

[If that I can't do this was about the whole conversation that just happened... he figures he'd better.

But he can't go without warning. Again, he suspects Shiro would just beat himself up over that.]

[it's not your fault]

[Yes it is - it comes out verbally, with a rush of exhausted breath. Okay. He didn't have to type that. Maybe that's the key here. He just has to let it out, somehow.]

I don't know what to say maybe I should go.

If you want to.

If there's anything else you want to talk about, if only just to distract you then I'd like to help with that

But if you'd rather go, that's alright.

[God he wants to run so badly. Disappear onto the boat from Armin and not talk to anyone until he can get this sorted out. But - ]

How is Chip?

[That's safe. And that's something he genuinely wonders about.]

[Oh thank god that is
Something, at least]

They're doing pretty well. They, uh, seem to be drawing in a lot of wild Pokemon lately? Which, y'know, is exciting for them, if sort of stressful for some of the rest of us, ha.

[It's absolutely something.]

What kind of pokemon?

Oh, god, all kinds. I, uh-- actually think it's another Snorunt thing? It started after they were playing with a bunch of 'em, all around the house. But since then, there have just been... a lot of Pokemon.

Does repel do any good?

[They are!! Talking!!]

Gonna be real, I don't think they've tried. And... I haven't either, honestly. If they don't want the Pokemon being driven off, I'd feel like an asshole doing it.

[There they go!!]

Ah Yeah Yeah, I get that. At least, hopefully, this snorunt nonsense is temporary?

Hopefully... I mean, it was last time, so that seems like a good sign?

Right. Has to end sometime. Hopefully.

I'm sure it will! Last time was... I think just about a month, which-- I know, is gonna be pretty rough for you. But it's not forever.

I Yeah, I'm trying not to think about it. And hopefully Chip doesn't wind up attracting a herd of dangerous pokemon.

That... is fair.

[And he should probably be working harder to keep away from that topic, so--]

Hopefully! At least, if they do, they've got a lot of adults *and* powerful Pokemon to look after them.

Ah, yeah, that's right. They're pretty lucky that way, huh? Lot of good role models.

Yeah. I couldn't be happier about that, honestly; the more directions they're being supported from, the better, and at this point that is... a lot of directions.

Well... If they ever need a support out here in the Islands? Happy to provide.

I'll keep that in mind. Seriously, thank you.

(no subject)

shiro2hero - 2022-02-13 06:25 (UTC) - Expand