No, I do - I could have handled it a lot better. I probably would have, if people hadn't started throwing threats around...
Lance - he's like my younger brother. Nothing much he says bothers me anymore, but I know that doesn't extend to everyone. And I know I get protective over people I care about... so... I'm sorry you were caught in the crossfire.
I'm
I'm fine. Contemplating never leaving the house again, but. Fine.
[Grant's first impulse, as always, is to smooth things over, reassure Shiro that he understands and it's fine, but... well, that's only half true. And this is Shiro, who he thinks probably deserves more than half the truth.
...Of course, that's not to say he wouldn't still go with that half-truth under other circumstances, telling himself it was for the best. But under these circumstances, he just... doesn't want to, he's realizing.]
Yeah, it's clear he's important to you, and I'm glad to hear what he said didn't bother you, with you being on the spot and everything. Too bad the same can't be said for those of us it was actually leveled at.
[...Was that too much? Immediately, he wonders if that might've been too much.]
Sorry. Again, none of this was your fault - it just hit way too close to home for me.
That kind of sounds incompatible with being "fine", but I'll take your word for it.
[Well, now he wishes he'd called. But - the mortification... He exhales on his end, pushing a hand through his hair.]
I guess that's the problem with being used to hearing that. You forget it doesn't roll off other people so easy. And - I'm sorry, again, for him. He's my teammate, he's my responsibility. I can talk to him, if you'd like me to.
Also I Thank you. For not threatening him. [Even though Lance hit a nerve for poor Grant. He doesn't blame anyone for being irritated, but some people back there crossed a line...]
Hey, it's kind of what I was doing before the auction so. Status quo resumed.
Yeah. The short, simple version is that it's not even close to the first time someone's seen fit to say something like that to or about me out of nowhere. Not the specifics, of course, this was kind of a new situation - but the general sentiment.
It feels weird to put it on you to sort this out... I guess I'd appreciate it if you did talk to him? But there's no pressure, especially since I'd actually rather he didn't know my exact reasons for being upset, which I know might make explaining something like this tougher. And no problem, I try to threaten people as little as possible.
That Seems like a status quo it might be good to try and get out of if you can?
[Ugh. Normally this is where he'd offer to hang out sometime, go do something to help Shiro get out of the house, but... he can't. Not now. Nope.]
Grant I I'm so sorry. You don't have to elaborate - enough said. And yeah. Yeah, I can talk to him. For what it's worth, I really... I don't think he meant it. I know it doesn't exactly help, or excuse it.
Thank you. That... actually means a lot to be honest, even if he doesn't get it I really appreciate the effort.
[...Buddy.]
I'm sorry to push on this right after we were talking about you basically doing me a favor, but - I can't say I totally believe that?
I don't know if I've said before that I'm open to talking about stuff that may be bothering you, but now I gotta make it clear: I WANT to help, if there's any way I can at all.
Hey, it's no problem. Like I said - he's family. I'd be a terrible brother figure if I didn't call him on things. And a pretty terrible friend to you.
[At least, he hopes they're still friends?]
[Though, the silence that follows what Grant says probably seems to say otherwise. In reality, it's Shiro contemplating faking an emergency to just Not Talk About It. He knows he can't flat out say no one can help, even if it's true. No one can change what happened, no one can fix his mistake of waiting too long. Because of course he blames himself. Who else is there?]
[That stupid auction just dragged it all back into the limelight. How much of a Bad Idea himself and any kind of personal life was. On top of the whole, you know. Prom Happening. There's just too many layers anymore.]
I
I don't really know if it's anything anyone can help
It's hard to imagine considering you a terrible friend, actually.
[Hopefully that clears that up.]
There's no way to find out if you don't talk about it to anyone, whether that's me or something else. And even if it can't be fixed, just talking through things that are messing with you can take some weight off.
Look, it's just something I should be over by now. I'll figure it out. You've got enough on your shoulders with your kid here and all. I can't ask you to take on more.
If you're not over it, you're not; there's not really a "should be" with some stuff. And I can handle what's on my shoulders, specifically because I've got support from other people.
Depends, man. There's stuff I'm not over from actual decades ago. Sometimes being able to function around something that's happened means accepting that you're not over it, and you might never be.
Which I realize may sound depressing and/or preachy, sorry about that.
[Oof. Well... he'd kind of been wondering that himself. If that were true, but - shouldn't he be? This is a good place. A safe place. So why can't it just go away?]
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[Focus. Breathe. Focus.]
Here I was, trying to help you out. How'd we get in this conversation?
[It may still be kind of vague, but it's enough for Grant to... start to get an idea.]
Shit
I'm so sorry, man. I mean, for one thing, people disappearing here isn't at all your fault - but I know hearing that probably doesn't help with the actual experience
I mean it it's not something you need to apologize for. I really should've known |
[The cursor pauses there. Better, he wants to type. He should have known better. Of course he could have done something about it. Acted sooner. Been a more attentive partner. Something.]
| that going to the auction wouldn't end well. Given the history.
[Which. Really was not what Grant was talking about at all, but maybe it'll swing the conversation away from his misadventures in romance.]
I know, I know - but that was a sympathetic "I'm sorry". I'm sorry that happened, and that this is something you've been left to deal with. Because it sucks a lot.
You couldn't have known. I do think it might have been a good call not to go if you just didn't WANT to, but a history of bad luck doesn't mean you've got some kind of responsibility to resign yourself to avoiding anything romance-related.
[Listen, Grant... doesn't really have the language to describe just how awful that sounds. Certainly not off the cuff in a text conversation, when he just found out about this.]
Blaming Blue seems pretty fair, yeah.
You might as well, or you want to?
[Something lurches in his stomach as he types that. He tells it to quiet down. This isn't a question he has any right to be that invested in the answer to.]
[Maybe he shouldn't have said it. Sure, Grant asked, but that's... that's too much, isn't it? Way too much. He should just go. Let it lie and say he was just being dramatic or overly emotional or...]
[He doesn't respond for a long while, again, and when he moves to do so, he realizes he's been worrying at the ring on his finger. Again.]
That's alright; you don't have to know for sure. It's just something it might be good to think about.
If I'm just misdirected and picking at phrasing here, feel free to tell me - but I'm a little worried that so far, what you've said just sounds like like giving up
Seriously do let me know if I'm overstepping, and if you do end up deciding that you've really had enough of romance and want nothing to do with it, that's completely fair, and you should do what's best for you. I just want to suggest that you do think over what would be best for you. What you actually want to do.
[God, this is too much. This is definitely too much. Even knowing his own motives perfectly well, that he can separate from his personal feelings and still come to the same conclusion... it feels like way too much.
And yet he's still typing. Maybe it's some kind of overcompensation - he knows he's going to be inclined right now to shy away, to keep from getting too involved, so maybe he's just... leaning really hard in the other direction.
...Or maybe it's just that Shiro is his friend, and he wants him to be happy, whatever that means.]
It's a little late for that, man. But I'm okay with worrying about you. I want to help however I can. but, again, that includes backing off if you need me to.
[Because, let's face it, he probably has. Why bother, when you know it won't work out? When you know it's not going to happen. When the last time you tried, when you put whole heart into trying again, and it just... failed. How is he not supposed to see that as his fault? How is he supposed to want to do anything but avoid it altogether?]
I did keep trying more than a year ago I I even married the guy
wasn't even a month before he just wasnt there
[Please excuse the way his text falters. It's been a while since he tried to talk about this. And longer still since the words actually came out.]
so why shouldnt I just stop?
[Clearly, he doesn't think Grant is overstepping here. If he's going so far as to actually say it. In a manner of speaking.]
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:')
Lance - he's like my younger brother. Nothing much he says bothers me anymore, but I know that doesn't extend to everyone. And I know I get protective over people I care about... so... I'm sorry you were caught in the crossfire.
I'm
I'm fine. Contemplating never leaving the house again, but. Fine.
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...Of course, that's not to say he wouldn't still go with that half-truth under other circumstances, telling himself it was for the best. But under these circumstances, he just... doesn't want to, he's realizing.]
Yeah, it's clear he's important to you, and I'm glad to hear what he said didn't bother you, with you being on the spot and everything. Too bad the same can't be said for those of us it was actually leveled at.
[...Was that too much? Immediately, he wonders if that might've been too much.]
Sorry. Again, none of this was your fault - it just hit way too close to home for me.
That kind of sounds incompatible with being "fine", but I'll take your word for it.
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[Well, now he wishes he'd called. But - the mortification... He exhales on his end, pushing a hand through his hair.]
I guess that's the problem with being used to hearing that. You forget it doesn't roll off other people so easy. And - I'm sorry, again, for him. He's my teammate, he's my responsibility. I can talk to him, if you'd like me to.
Also I
Thank you. For not threatening him. [Even though Lance hit a nerve for poor Grant. He doesn't blame anyone for being irritated, but some people back there crossed a line...]
Hey, it's kind of what I was doing before the auction so. Status quo resumed.
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It feels weird to put it on you to sort this out... I guess I'd appreciate it if you did talk to him? But there's no pressure, especially since I'd actually rather he didn't know my exact reasons for being upset, which I know might make explaining something like this tougher. And no problem, I try to threaten people as little as possible.
That
Seems like a status quo it might be good to try and get out of if you can?
[Ugh. Normally this is where he'd offer to hang out sometime, go do something to help Shiro get out of the house, but... he can't. Not now. Nope.]
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I'm so sorry. You don't have to elaborate - enough said. And yeah. Yeah, I can talk to him. For what it's worth, I really... I don't think he meant it. I know it doesn't exactly help, or excuse it.
But I can talk to him. Sure. Anything you need.
No it's
It's fine. I'm fine
[for a lying liar who lies]
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[...Buddy.]
I'm sorry to push on this right after we were talking about you basically doing me a favor, but - I can't say I totally believe that?
I don't know if I've said before that I'm open to talking about stuff that may be bothering you, but now I gotta make it clear: I WANT to help, if there's any way I can at all.
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[At least, he hopes they're still friends?]
[Though, the silence that follows what Grant says probably seems to say otherwise. In reality, it's Shiro contemplating faking an emergency to just Not Talk About It. He knows he can't flat out say no one can help, even if it's true. No one can change what happened, no one can fix his mistake of waiting too long. Because of course he blames himself. Who else is there?]
[That stupid auction just dragged it all back into the limelight. How much of a Bad Idea himself and any kind of personal life was. On top of the whole, you know. Prom Happening. There's just too many layers anymore.]
I
I don't really know if it's anything anyone can help
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[Hopefully that clears that up.]
There's no way to find out if you don't talk about it to anyone, whether that's me or something else. And even if it can't be fixed, just talking through things that are messing with you can take some weight off.
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[Especially after uh. That fiasco.]
It
Look, it's just something I should be over by now. I'll figure it out. You've got enough on your shoulders with your kid here and all. I can't ask you to take on more.
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It's been a long time. Probably some kind of statute of limitations on 'not over it'.
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Which I realize may sound depressing and/or preachy, sorry about that.
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[Oof. Well... he'd kind of been wondering that himself. If that were true, but - shouldn't he be? This is a good place. A safe place. So why can't it just go away?]
no i
[Focus. Breathe. Focus.]
Here I was, trying to help you out. How'd we get in this conversation?
[Breathe, focus and deflect like heck.]
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[Oh god is this too much. Should he stop? Is he overstepping?]
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[But god he's tired, deep down...]
I can't ask you toThis is too muchI don't know where to start[So many deleted messages, good grief.]
Just
Believe me when I say... most of the time it's fine. But
The whole "date auction" was a bad idea. For a lot of reasons.
[Hey that's uh. That's a start.]
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Oh no, I'm sorry to hear that... it did seem like you weren't totally comfortable there.
[An understatement.]
Any reasons you're alright talking about, or no?
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[He is hilarious. And... deflecting again. Debating.]
[Good lord he doesn’t want to do this. It still feels wrong, it still feels like too much. But Grant asked.]
My personal life is
I never manage not to screw it up somehow. Bad breakup. People just vanishing here
Thought things finally worked out once. Like I broke the streak but
Well
My bad luck has stayed intact
[That’s putting everything extremely mildly. But on the other hand, this is the most he has managed to say about any of this in a long time.]
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Shit
I'm so sorry, man. I mean, for one thing, people disappearing here isn't at all your fault - but I know hearing that probably doesn't help with the actual experience
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[It's objectively Not Fine.]
I mean it
it's not something you need to apologize for. I really should've known |
[The cursor pauses there. Better, he wants to type. He should have known better. Of course he could have done something about it. Acted sooner. Been a more attentive partner. Something.]
| that going to the auction wouldn't end well. Given the history.
[Which. Really was not what Grant was talking about at all, but maybe it'll swing the conversation away from his misadventures in romance.]
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I know, I know - but that was a sympathetic "I'm sorry". I'm sorry that happened, and that this is something you've been left to deal with. Because it sucks a lot.
You couldn't have known. I do think it might have been a good call not to go if you just didn't WANT to, but a history of bad luck doesn't mean you've got some kind of responsibility to resign yourself to avoiding anything romance-related.
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[Yeah, that's for sure. "sucks" might even be putting it mildly. But what else are you supposed to do?]
It was for charity and my Gallade had me signed up before I could say no. So I'm blaming Blue for that one.
But I mean
I might as well. At this point
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Blaming Blue seems pretty fair, yeah.
You might as well, or you want to?
[Something lurches in his stomach as he types that. He tells it to quiet down. This isn't a question he has any right to be that invested in the answer to.]
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[He doesn't respond for a long while, again, and when he moves to do so, he realizes he's been worrying at the ring on his finger. Again.]
I don't really have an answer for that
I
I don't know
[I should be over this, better than this - ]
I'll figure it out, you don't have to worry
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If I'm just misdirected and picking at phrasing here, feel free to tell me - but I'm a little worried that so far, what you've said just sounds like
like giving up
Seriously do let me know if I'm overstepping, and if you do end up deciding that you've really had enough of romance and want nothing to do with it, that's completely fair, and you should do what's best for you.
I just
want to suggest that you do think over what would be best for you. What you actually want to do.
[God, this is too much. This is definitely too much. Even knowing his own motives perfectly well, that he can separate from his personal feelings and still come to the same conclusion... it feels like way too much.
And yet he's still typing. Maybe it's some kind of overcompensation - he knows he's going to be inclined right now to shy away, to keep from getting too involved, so maybe he's just... leaning really hard in the other direction.
...Or maybe it's just that Shiro is his friend, and he wants him to be happy, whatever that means.]
It's a little late for that, man. But I'm okay with worrying about you. I want to help however I can.
but, again, that includes backing off if you need me to.
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[Because, let's face it, he probably has. Why bother, when you know it won't work out? When you know it's not going to happen. When the last time you tried, when you put whole heart into trying again, and it just... failed. How is he not supposed to see that as his fault? How is he supposed to want to do anything but avoid it altogether?]
I did keep trying
more than a year ago I
I even married the guy
wasn't even a month before he
just wasnt there
[Please excuse the way his text falters. It's been a while since he tried to talk about this. And longer still since the words actually came out.]
so why shouldnt I just
stop?
[Clearly, he doesn't think Grant is overstepping here. If he's going so far as to actually say it. In a manner of speaking.]
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