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[victory road] IC CONTACT
[For private communication, Pokegear or otherwise!]
Yep. Though to be fair, when three of the aliens you know about are also active defenders of humanity, you kind of go along with it just because. [ And then the super rotten people are usually drowned out? Usually. Lex Luthor. ]
[ She doesn't seem too surprised that he backtracks- and what to, actually. It's pretty unique! ]
Yeah. Her name is Raven. I always had an idea that she had some infernal lineage or powers, but then her dad happened and things cleared up pretty quickly. ... She's... probably one of the strongest people I know. [ Shame they were enemies. ] There was some... fuss, but like. She saved the world? Literally by herself. They can shut up.
[ She doesn't seem too surprised that he backtracks- and what to, actually. It's pretty unique! ]
Yeah. Her name is Raven. I always had an idea that she had some infernal lineage or powers, but then her dad happened and things cleared up pretty quickly. ... She's... probably one of the strongest people I know. [ Shame they were enemies. ] There was some... fuss, but like. She saved the world? Literally by herself. They can shut up.
Guess so, yeah. [He smiles, just slightly.] You should tell Chip about that, sometime; they'd love to hear about alien superheroes.
[...Speaking of Chip. Not that he can say as much; even if Jinx would clearly be less inclined to respond poorly to Chip's heritage than most from their world, it still wouldn't be fair to tell her without their knowledge.]
That-- really is incredible. I... imagine there'd be a similar kind of fuss if something like that happened where I'm from. Demons, and their descendants, are, uh... often not treated well, especially by certain groups. Who can also shut up.
[...Speaking of Chip. Not that he can say as much; even if Jinx would clearly be less inclined to respond poorly to Chip's heritage than most from their world, it still wouldn't be fair to tell her without their knowledge.]
That-- really is incredible. I... imagine there'd be a similar kind of fuss if something like that happened where I'm from. Demons, and their descendants, are, uh... often not treated well, especially by certain groups. Who can also shut up.
People fear what is unknown. But the thing is- my world is increasingly more known by the year. We know what lies in the depths, we've found Atlantis. We have alien immigrants- even if it's just a few. Nothing is ever what it seems- that applies to the heavens and hells too. It's- you have to judge on personal merit, not as a generalized whole.
Because seriously, Raven's dad fucking sucks. But there's been some not so awful demons too.
[ She does pause for a moment... ]
I mean. Maybe? I'm... not the best with kids. And I don't think they like me.
Because seriously, Raven's dad fucking sucks. But there's been some not so awful demons too.
[ She does pause for a moment... ]
I mean. Maybe? I'm... not the best with kids. And I don't think they like me.
Mm... that tracks. But, then, that isn't gonna stop those who would rather stick to what they've decided than acknowledge what we know. [He smiles weakly.] Lycanthropy is reasonably well understood, after all, but that can't seem to stop misinformation.
[Grant hums for a moment, considering his words before he answers.] Chip... is usually slow to get used to new people. Most people, especially those older than them, make them nervous - at least in person. It's usually just... a matter of either luck, or being patient with them as you get to know them, and they get to know you.
[Grant hums for a moment, considering his words before he answers.] Chip... is usually slow to get used to new people. Most people, especially those older than them, make them nervous - at least in person. It's usually just... a matter of either luck, or being patient with them as you get to know them, and they get to know you.
People are more willing to listen to magical experts when they're superheroes, I've found.
[ Still, she gets it. ]
They're like a less stabby version of me when I was a kid, it feels like. [ Cause. Yanno. Street kid-- ] Honestly, everyone's pretty lucky I just didn't have energy for defenses when I got here.
[ Still, she gets it. ]
They're like a less stabby version of me when I was a kid, it feels like. [ Cause. Yanno. Street kid-- ] Honestly, everyone's pretty lucky I just didn't have energy for defenses when I got here.
We had a pretty good talk after he woke up. [Claude smiles slightly.] It started out...bleak, that's for sure, but it improved from there.
[He reaches over to lightly pat Orbeez, which is really just displacement activity.] The thing is...when the Indeedees were passing out secrets, I got one from Sylvain that meant a lot to me. It said 'you made my future something worth looking forward to'. And then, a couple days later, before I'd even talked to him about it...he went home. And when he came back, all that hope was dashed to a million pieces. I couldn't stand that - not just seeing him so miserable, but thinking I'd done something as meaningful as giving him hope and then it being stolen from him. So...I did my best to put it back. [He gives a half-shrug, a slight smile.] I don't think I necessarily eased all his fears, or totally smoothed the road, but...things were better by the time we finished talking. He was able to smile again, and mean it. Even if it's only a first step, that's not a bad day's work for how low he started.
[He squeezes Grant's hand.] But I'm worried about you right now. For one thing, and before anything else...that's not exactly the look of a man whose talk with Sylvain went as okay as mine did.
[He reaches over to lightly pat Orbeez, which is really just displacement activity.] The thing is...when the Indeedees were passing out secrets, I got one from Sylvain that meant a lot to me. It said 'you made my future something worth looking forward to'. And then, a couple days later, before I'd even talked to him about it...he went home. And when he came back, all that hope was dashed to a million pieces. I couldn't stand that - not just seeing him so miserable, but thinking I'd done something as meaningful as giving him hope and then it being stolen from him. So...I did my best to put it back. [He gives a half-shrug, a slight smile.] I don't think I necessarily eased all his fears, or totally smoothed the road, but...things were better by the time we finished talking. He was able to smile again, and mean it. Even if it's only a first step, that's not a bad day's work for how low he started.
[He squeezes Grant's hand.] But I'm worried about you right now. For one thing, and before anything else...that's not exactly the look of a man whose talk with Sylvain went as okay as mine did.
[Grant nods slightly at Claude's quick summary of the conversation - and, despite his worry as Claude gets into the details, and despite everything else... the conclusion is a huge relief. He actually smiles again, a momentary mirroring of Claude's expression. At least Claude could do something for Sylvain.
That smile wavers almost immediately, though. It's not like he expected Claude not to bring the conversation back around to Grant's own talk with Sylvain, and it is definitely for the best that he talk about it, but... oof.] Uh... n-no, not really. It wasn't bad, exactly... [He squeezes Claude's hand back, mentally reorienting himself before he tries again to explain.
He keeps his voice as light as he can manage, his eye fixing on the landscape ahead of them as if that will help.] Sylvain was concerned that since we didn't know each other all that well to begin with, and then he... went back for all that time, that he, uh... wasn't in a position to be a good partner to me. So he felt we should... put things on hold until we get to know each other better. So, y'know, it was-- very considerate of him.
[Yep. These are all true facts that he needs to make sure Claude knows, and now he'll see... how long he can keep it together while talking about it. Whoops.]
That smile wavers almost immediately, though. It's not like he expected Claude not to bring the conversation back around to Grant's own talk with Sylvain, and it is definitely for the best that he talk about it, but... oof.] Uh... n-no, not really. It wasn't bad, exactly... [He squeezes Claude's hand back, mentally reorienting himself before he tries again to explain.
He keeps his voice as light as he can manage, his eye fixing on the landscape ahead of them as if that will help.] Sylvain was concerned that since we didn't know each other all that well to begin with, and then he... went back for all that time, that he, uh... wasn't in a position to be a good partner to me. So he felt we should... put things on hold until we get to know each other better. So, y'know, it was-- very considerate of him.
[Yep. These are all true facts that he needs to make sure Claude knows, and now he'll see... how long he can keep it together while talking about it. Whoops.]
I'm glad you didn't think I lied.
Or anything else.
And I really appreciate your understanding.
I really didn't want to make things weird with us. I still really enjoy being around you.
I'm probably repeating myself though.
But above all I'm... really glad that I still get to know you. And... That I was able to come back to you at all, you know.
I don't think I ever got to really thank you for all that you did? For Dimitri and the rest of us.
Or anything else.
And I really appreciate your understanding.
I really didn't want to make things weird with us. I still really enjoy being around you.
I'm probably repeating myself though.
But above all I'm... really glad that I still get to know you. And... That I was able to come back to you at all, you know.
I don't think I ever got to really thank you for all that you did? For Dimitri and the rest of us.
Yeah. No matter what, I'm really glad you got back too. I mean, for one thing, it seems like you're about a million times better off here, and for another, maybe this is a selfish reason given the scope of all this, but I also like being around you?
[Seeing that... shouldn't hurt. It really shouldn't, and Grant's long-practiced picking-apart of his own psyche starts up the instant he feels that. Why does it bother him? Because he feels like Sylvain already made his appreciation clear, and it hurts to see him feeling like he hadn't? That certainly seems like a suitably selfless reason, one he could accept without shame, if he actually believed it was the issue. Is it actually some fractured perception of his own confusion, uncertainty as to just what it was he did for the others? Beyond getting Dimitri to start sleeping again to begin with, but...
...Maybe that is just it. He knows the others appreciate what he, apparently, did for Dimitri - what they seem to consider largely a bigger deal than Grant can justify it as in his own mind. Certainly, he's glad that he could apparently help; especially now, seeing Dimitri as he can be when he's stable and not running on almost no sleep, loving him, Grant couldn't be more relieved to have been able to make any contribution to that. And obviously others who care about Dimitri would be glad it happened. Obviously it’d stand out in their minds, and if it is as big a deal to them as it seems to be-- then how can Grant himself possibly measure up to that single achievement?
Consciously, he knows that’s not the reason any of them choose to be around him now. It’s probably not the reason Sylvain showed interest in him, or agreed to date him. He probably didn’t jump the gun and agree to date Grant just because he felt like he owed him.
Grant can just barely shove a “not” into each of those thoughts as they crawl into his head, the frantic mental buzz of illogical thought and desperate, long-practiced correction a discordant but familiar partner to the sinking feeling in his chest.
He should not feel like this.
And he has to respond.]
I hope it can be some reassurance that the idea got across pretty well, at least as far as Dimitri
I’m not sure what I’ve done for the rest of you though, haha
[Seeing that... shouldn't hurt. It really shouldn't, and Grant's long-practiced picking-apart of his own psyche starts up the instant he feels that. Why does it bother him? Because he feels like Sylvain already made his appreciation clear, and it hurts to see him feeling like he hadn't? That certainly seems like a suitably selfless reason, one he could accept without shame, if he actually believed it was the issue. Is it actually some fractured perception of his own confusion, uncertainty as to just what it was he did for the others? Beyond getting Dimitri to start sleeping again to begin with, but...
...Maybe that is just it. He knows the others appreciate what he, apparently, did for Dimitri - what they seem to consider largely a bigger deal than Grant can justify it as in his own mind. Certainly, he's glad that he could apparently help; especially now, seeing Dimitri as he can be when he's stable and not running on almost no sleep, loving him, Grant couldn't be more relieved to have been able to make any contribution to that. And obviously others who care about Dimitri would be glad it happened. Obviously it’d stand out in their minds, and if it is as big a deal to them as it seems to be-- then how can Grant himself possibly measure up to that single achievement?
Consciously, he knows that’s not the reason any of them choose to be around him now. It’s probably not the reason Sylvain showed interest in him, or agreed to date him. He probably didn’t jump the gun and agree to date Grant just because he felt like he owed him.
Grant can just barely shove a “not” into each of those thoughts as they crawl into his head, the frantic mental buzz of illogical thought and desperate, long-practiced correction a discordant but familiar partner to the sinking feeling in his chest.
He should not feel like this.
And he has to respond.]
I hope it can be some reassurance that the idea got across pretty well, at least as far as Dimitri
I’m not sure what I’ve done for the rest of you though, haha
Oh! That sounds fascinating!
Some forms of magic did require outside components, but primarily it was an application of reason or faith in the Goddess combined with the knowledge to harness latent magic in yourself and the world around you- back home, that is.
Some forms of magic did require outside components, but primarily it was an application of reason or faith in the Goddess combined with the knowledge to harness latent magic in yourself and the world around you- back home, that is.
backdated to a few days after they arrive in olivine
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bestswordmaster
2021-03-21 06:22 am (UTC)(link)
hey.
where are you?
I want to talk to you about chip.
where are you?
I want to talk to you about chip.
meet me outside.
[When Grant gets there, Felix is just a little too lightly dressed by most people's standards for the still-chilly weather, although he is still wearing the scarf Sylvain gave him for Christmas. He's got a wand toy in hand, moving it around for Pan the Eevee to chase.]
[When Grant gets there, Felix is just a little too lightly dressed by most people's standards for the still-chilly weather, although he is still wearing the scarf Sylvain gave him for Christmas. He's got a wand toy in hand, moving it around for Pan the Eevee to chase.]
[Grant guesses he shouldn't be too surprised by how Felix is dressed; he's starting to gather the Faerghans' cold tolerance is... alarming, on the whole? He pushes his hands a little deeper into his pockets as he approaches, watching Pan dart around.]
Hey. What about Chip did you want to talk about?
Hey. What about Chip did you want to talk about?
[Felix looks up and gives Grant a nod, though he doesn't stop baiting Pan as he talks and his eyes go back to the Eevee a moment later.]
Last week. The day before Chip left. I saw them at breakfast and they said something to me. About...not being able to protect anyone. Then they kicked me and ran off.
[He doesn't look or sound particularly angry, though. Just troubled.]
I don't understand where it came from or why they said it.
Last week. The day before Chip left. I saw them at breakfast and they said something to me. About...not being able to protect anyone. Then they kicked me and ran off.
[He doesn't look or sound particularly angry, though. Just troubled.]
I don't understand where it came from or why they said it.
...Ah.
[Grant's brow creases, his face falling in gentle, distinctly unsurprised sadness. He nods, slowly.] Right, uh... two questions. Did they say anything else that stuck out, and has Claude or Dimitri told you what Chip said when they found them?
[Grant's brow creases, his face falling in gentle, distinctly unsurprised sadness. He nods, slowly.] Right, uh... two questions. Did they say anything else that stuck out, and has Claude or Dimitri told you what Chip said when they found them?
Other than that their problem was 'my stupid face'? No. And no, they haven't.
Alright. [He takes a hand out of his pocket to rub at his jaw, thinking over what he can say here.
Now that Claude and Dimitri know about Chip's heritage, that's a step toward the others knowing - and Grant thinks they should, eventually. But despite it all, explaining outright without Chip there still feels wrong.
He drops his hand by his side.] So... when things go wrong, Chip tends to think of it as their fault. Even if it's something totally outside their control, like the Indeedee, or Sylvain falling asleep. They have their reasons for thinking like that, but... I'm not sure I can get into that in good conscience without their involvement.
The thing is, they also... tend to assume other people "know" things are their fault. And that they know the reasons they think that way. And, when they're really pushed, it... wouldn't be the first time they've lashed out to try and force those around them to act on... on what Chip is sure they already know. I think... that day, itself, ended up being that push.
Now that Claude and Dimitri know about Chip's heritage, that's a step toward the others knowing - and Grant thinks they should, eventually. But despite it all, explaining outright without Chip there still feels wrong.
He drops his hand by his side.] So... when things go wrong, Chip tends to think of it as their fault. Even if it's something totally outside their control, like the Indeedee, or Sylvain falling asleep. They have their reasons for thinking like that, but... I'm not sure I can get into that in good conscience without their involvement.
The thing is, they also... tend to assume other people "know" things are their fault. And that they know the reasons they think that way. And, when they're really pushed, it... wouldn't be the first time they've lashed out to try and force those around them to act on... on what Chip is sure they already know. I think... that day, itself, ended up being that push.
Hmph. So they take after you, taking responsibility for things they shouldn't.
[Felix doesn't care to pry into whatever causes it for Chip; if he needs to know, someone will tell him. Although now that he thinks about it, one of the cards he received on Valentine's Day was almost certainly from Chip. Hm. As for the rest...lashing out to push people past their limits and goad them into a reaction. He knows that feeling, that overwhelming frustration.]
I see. Perhaps that explains one of the secrets I received from the Indeedee. Something about how I 'wouldn't wait if I knew' and not wanting me to find out. About what, I have no idea.
...there was a time when I acted the same way, for different reasons. The secret wasn't my own, but the end result was similar. I attempted to flee my home once, as well, as a child. Although you're nothing like my father, so I don't see why Chip would flee from you.
[Felix doesn't care to pry into whatever causes it for Chip; if he needs to know, someone will tell him. Although now that he thinks about it, one of the cards he received on Valentine's Day was almost certainly from Chip. Hm. As for the rest...lashing out to push people past their limits and goad them into a reaction. He knows that feeling, that overwhelming frustration.]
I see. Perhaps that explains one of the secrets I received from the Indeedee. Something about how I 'wouldn't wait if I knew' and not wanting me to find out. About what, I have no idea.
...there was a time when I acted the same way, for different reasons. The secret wasn't my own, but the end result was similar. I attempted to flee my home once, as well, as a child. Although you're nothing like my father, so I don't see why Chip would flee from you.
idk wherever you want.
I'll come to your room i guess.
[And he does, Meowstic-kettle in hand, and knocks on the door. Not having bothered to get confirmation that Grant was actually in there first, apparently.]
I'll come to your room i guess.
[And he does, Meowstic-kettle in hand, and knocks on the door. Not having bothered to get confirmation that Grant was actually in there first, apparently.]
[Probably not long at all, because Claude stops dead, eyes going soft and sympathetic as though he's read a lot more of Grant's feelings into this factual breakdown of events than Grant actually let himself put in there. This is because he's fully capable of guessing at them. Especially with Grant's self-esteem being what it is.] Oh, Grant.
[He gently takes Orbeez out of Grant's hands, setting him down on the ground nearby. This is so he can turn Grant towards him and pull him into a hug.] I don't think that was necessarily a bad call, and I hope it'll mean a stronger relationship for you two down the line, but...I know that still must sting a lot. Especially right now, after you've been worrying about him, and with all these other concerns about our memories on top of everything...you don't have to act like you're doing just fine. It doesn't matter how much you understand his thinking, does it? It's still going to hurt. And I'll bet anything you didn't want to make him feel bad about it, so you didn't let any of it out around him, did you?
[He gently takes Orbeez out of Grant's hands, setting him down on the ground nearby. This is so he can turn Grant towards him and pull him into a hug.] I don't think that was necessarily a bad call, and I hope it'll mean a stronger relationship for you two down the line, but...I know that still must sting a lot. Especially right now, after you've been worrying about him, and with all these other concerns about our memories on top of everything...you don't have to act like you're doing just fine. It doesn't matter how much you understand his thinking, does it? It's still going to hurt. And I'll bet anything you didn't want to make him feel bad about it, so you didn't let any of it out around him, did you?
[Oh, yeah, nope. The second Claude looks at him like that, that wordless validation of Grant's feelings all on its own, Grant can feel his throat threatening to close up.
Whatever last chance he had of getting through this conversation without crying (this chance probably did not exist) vanishes the moment Claude hugs him, and Grant's next breath comes out painfully shaky. Properly burying himself in a hug is a little difficult at Grant’s size, but he finds himself trying without really thinking about it, hunching down slightly in a somewhat greater effort than usual to make himself smaller.]
He-- he's got enough to worry about as it is. And he still tried to... to make it as easy for me as possible, and I don't... I couldn't tell him it wasn't even a surprise. [He doesn't contradict anything Claude said, of course. He's completely right, and Grant doubts he could fool him even if he wanted to. Instead, he's just... talking, spilling out scattered thoughts that he couldn't tell Sylvain - that he can only tell Claude because it's clear his relationship with Sylvain is secure, that there's no risk of making him worry about where he stands.]
Whatever last chance he had of getting through this conversation without crying (this chance probably did not exist) vanishes the moment Claude hugs him, and Grant's next breath comes out painfully shaky. Properly burying himself in a hug is a little difficult at Grant’s size, but he finds himself trying without really thinking about it, hunching down slightly in a somewhat greater effort than usual to make himself smaller.]
He-- he's got enough to worry about as it is. And he still tried to... to make it as easy for me as possible, and I don't... I couldn't tell him it wasn't even a surprise. [He doesn't contradict anything Claude said, of course. He's completely right, and Grant doubts he could fool him even if he wanted to. Instead, he's just... talking, spilling out scattered thoughts that he couldn't tell Sylvain - that he can only tell Claude because it's clear his relationship with Sylvain is secure, that there's no risk of making him worry about where he stands.]
Not to be cliche but... You're kind of the glue that sticks us all together. Never mind the fact that you're a an external voice to give us a sense of reason when we get all caught up in the nuances of Fodlan politics. You're not beholden to the world we're from, so you give us a whole new perspective.
Plus... I don't think any of us would have been willing to address our collective feelings if you hadn't sat us all down and told us it was okay to feel that way?
Plus... I don't think any of us would have been willing to address our collective feelings if you hadn't sat us all down and told us it was okay to feel that way?
[Claude, for his part, does his best to pull Grant as deeply into his arms as possible. He can't will himself bigger, but he does his best to fake it to the best of his ability, with Grant's (sub?)conscious collusion in shrinking himself. Sometimes, you need to be held, and it's not easy to be the holder when you're a lot smaller but Claude isn't going to fail for lack of effort here.]
Hey, hey. [His voice is soft, soothing.] You don't have to defend him to me, okay? I know Sylvain's a sweet guy, and you're important to him. I'm sure he was as good as he could be to you. And he's not here. So he's not on trial, okay? What's important here is you and how you're feeling. Which is obviously not great. So how about we talk about that, if we're gonna talk about anything?
[He rubs a hand over Grant's back.] When Sylvain came back to us, after six months of being away...I wondered if how he'd feel for me had changed. He hadn't seen me in all that time, after all...and he'd been through a lot. Plus, you know me - always feeling like an outsider. I was lucky in that his feelings hadn't changed, so...I got reassured. But I bet you felt the same way as I did, for the same reasons...and you didn't. You got the opposite.
It sounds like his reasons weren't actually to do with his going home or being away from you, so much as a problem that had been there from early on that maybe he hadn't gotten around to addressing until now. But...the timing on it was awful, right? It might not be anyone's fault that it's awful, but you took that punch right in the stomach and you don't deserve to be hurting like this, Grant. Okay? I don't have to blame Sylvain to say that this shouldn't be happening to you.
I can tell you it's going to get better, and I know you know it's going to get better, but...you can just let yourself hurt right now, instead of pretending you're not. And Dimitri and I will be here to help, okay? So fall apart as much as you need to. We'll hold you together.
Hey, hey. [His voice is soft, soothing.] You don't have to defend him to me, okay? I know Sylvain's a sweet guy, and you're important to him. I'm sure he was as good as he could be to you. And he's not here. So he's not on trial, okay? What's important here is you and how you're feeling. Which is obviously not great. So how about we talk about that, if we're gonna talk about anything?
[He rubs a hand over Grant's back.] When Sylvain came back to us, after six months of being away...I wondered if how he'd feel for me had changed. He hadn't seen me in all that time, after all...and he'd been through a lot. Plus, you know me - always feeling like an outsider. I was lucky in that his feelings hadn't changed, so...I got reassured. But I bet you felt the same way as I did, for the same reasons...and you didn't. You got the opposite.
It sounds like his reasons weren't actually to do with his going home or being away from you, so much as a problem that had been there from early on that maybe he hadn't gotten around to addressing until now. But...the timing on it was awful, right? It might not be anyone's fault that it's awful, but you took that punch right in the stomach and you don't deserve to be hurting like this, Grant. Okay? I don't have to blame Sylvain to say that this shouldn't be happening to you.
I can tell you it's going to get better, and I know you know it's going to get better, but...you can just let yourself hurt right now, instead of pretending you're not. And Dimitri and I will be here to help, okay? So fall apart as much as you need to. We'll hold you together.
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